Luckily for Professor Andrew Martin, the football team he supported was Cambridge United, one of those which successfully avoided the perils and existential trauma of victory. To support Cambridge United, I discovered, was to support the idea of failure. To watch a team's feet consistently avoid the spherical Earth-symbol seemed to frustrate their supporters greatly, but they obviously wouldn't have it any other way. The truth is, you see, however much they beg to disagree, humans don't actually like to win. Or rather, they like winning for ten seconds but if they keep on winning they end up actually having to think about other things, like life and death. The only thing humans like less than winning is losing, but at least something can be done about that. With absolute winning, there is nothing to be done. They just have to deal with it.
The Humans, P142-143
Matt Haig
ISBN 978-0-85786-876-3
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