I'm Going to Start Doing

　　Hollis and Lindsey ended up riding home together, leaving Colin and Hassan alone in the Hearse. They weren’t five miles outside of Memphis when Hassan said, "I had a, um, blinding light spiritual awakening."

　　Colin glanced at him. "Huh?"

　　"Watch the road, kafir. It started a few nights ago, actually, so I guess it wasn't that dramatic — at the old folks' home, when you said I was Mr. Funnypants because I wanted to avoid getting hurt."

　　"No doubt about it," Colin said.

　　"Yeah, well, that's bullshit, and I knew it was bullshit, but then I started wondering exactly why I am Mr. Funnypants, and I didn't have a very good answer. But then, back there, I started thinking about what Hollis is doing. I mean, she's giving up all her time and her money so people can keep jobs. She’s doing something."

　　"Okay . . ." said Colin, not getting it.

　　"And I'm a not-doer. Like, I'm lazy, but I'm also good at not-doing things I'm not supposed to do. I never drank or did drugs or hooked up with girls or beat people up or stole or anything. I was always good at that, although not so much this particular summer. But then doing all that stuff here felt weird and wrong, so now I'm back to happily not-doing. But '’ve never been a doer. I never did anything that helped anybody. Even the religious things that involve doing, I don't do. I don’t do zakat84. I don't do Ramadan. I'm a total non-doer. I'm just sucking food and water and money out of the world, and all I'm giving back is, 'Hey, I'm really good at not-doing. Look at all the bad things I'm not doing! Now I'm going to tell you some jokes!'"

　　Colin glanced over and saw Hassan sipping Mountain Dew. Feeling that he should say something, Colin said,"That's a good spiritual revelation."

　　"I'm not done yet, fugger. I was just drinking. So but anyway, being funny is a way of not-doing. Sit around and make jokes and be Mr. Funnypants and just make fun of everyone else's attempts to do something. Make fun of you when you get back up and try to love yourself another Katherine. Or make fun of Hollis for falling asleep covered in her work every night. Or get on your case for shooting at the hornets' nest, when I didn’t shoot at all. So that's it. I'm going to start doing." Hassan finished his can of Mountain Dew, crumpled it, and dropped it beneath his feet. "See, I just did something. Usually," he said, "I would have thrown that shit in the backseat, where I wouldn't have to look at it and you'd have to clean it up the next time you had a date with a Katherine. But I'm leaving it here, so I remember to pick it up when we get to the Pink Mansion. God, someone should give me a Congressional Medal of Honor for Doing.”

　　Colin laughed. "You're still funny," Colin said. "And you have been doing stuff. You registered for college."

　　"Yeah, I'm getting there. Although — if I'm going to be an all-out, full-on doer," Hassan noted, faux morose, "I should probably register for three classes. It's a hard life, kafir.”

An Abundance of Katherines, P195-196
John Green
ISBN 978-0-14-241070-7