Why Does Everything Have to be Funny

　　"Tell us a story about the old days in Gutshot," Lindsey said, and it became clear to Colin that this was not an occasion to be asking Hollis's four questions.

　　"I've been thinking on Dr. Dinzanfar. Before he started that tactilery, he owned the General Store. I was just a little thing, knee-high to a bird dog. And he's only got one eye, you know. Fought in the first War. Well one day, we was at the store and daddy gave me one red penny and I ran up to the counter there and I said, 'Doctor Dinzanfar, do you have any penny candy?' And he looked down at me, and he said, 'I'm sorry, Mabel. We don't have any penny candy in Gutshot. All we got is free candy.'" Mabel closed her eyes as they all let the story sink in a bit. She seemed almost asleep, her breathing slow and rhythmic, but then her eyes snapped open and she said, "Lindsey, I sure missed seeing you. I missed holding this hand."

　　And then Lindsey began crying in earnest. "Ms. Mabel, we gotta go, but I'm-a gonna come back later this week and see you again, I promise. I'm s — I'm sorry I haven't visited in so long."

　　"Well that's fine, sweetie. Don't you go gettin' upset about it. Next time you come, show up 'tween twelve-thirty and one and I'll give you my Jell-O. Sugar free, but it ain't bad." Mabel finally let go of Lindsey's hand, and Lindsey blew a kiss and left.

　　Colin and Hassan lingered behind to say good-bye, and when they got into the common room, they found Lindsey sobbing—death-cry-of-a-hyena sobbing. She disappeared into a bathroom, and Colin followed Hassan out the door. Hassan sat down on the curb. "I can’t handle that place," he said. "We're never going back in there."

　　"What’s wrong with it?"

　　"It's sad, and not in a funny way," Hassan said. "It's not the least bit fugging funny. And it's really getting to me."

　　"Why does everything have to be funny to you?" asked Colin. "So you don't have to ever really care about anything?"

　　"Dingleberries, Dr. Freud. I'm actually just going to issue a blanket dingleberries on all attempts to psychoanalyze me."

　　"Aye, aye, Cap'n Funnypants."

　　Lindsey showed up outside then, seeming to be fully recovered. "I'm fine and don't need to talk about it," she said, unprompted.

An Abundance of Katherines, P185-186
John Green
ISBN 978-0-14-241070-7